I made it to church this morning. Hallelujah! I thought of every excuse and then remembered my vow this year when it pertains to church…NO EXCUSES! I’m still a visitor at “my” church after 10 months. However, I believe that’s about to change. Nearly every time I attend a service there, it seems as if the message is tailored perfectly for me. It’s so bad, that my friend who attends with me continuously nudges me and says, “girl, he’s talking about you”. I literally have to give her dirty looks to stop. Ha! I’m holding on to my fear of commitment and my fear of giving it my all to only end up disappointed. These fears have become my comfort zone and I know that these fears are definitely not Godly.
It has been so easy to place the blame on the whole church for one individual’s misrepresentation. This would also extend to categorizing all women/men in a negative way simply because one woman or man did not meet your expectations or misrepresented who they claimed they were. Crazy, right? Well, maybe not crazy.
When I left my church in March of last year and I visited “my” new church, I almost left as soon as I arrived. See, the name of my old church was Impact. When I walked into “my” new church, the 2019 theme was “The Year of Impact”. I’m glad that I chose to stick around. God kept and continues to speak to me through the messages. 2019 was definitely the year of impact for me.
How would I let my situation impact my outlook on love?
How would it impact my outlook on God or on church?
My prayer for the past few years have been to love more than I am loved and to understand more than I am understood. This past year has proven that God has answered my prayer beyond my comprehension. I almost allowed my circumstance to impact me negatively, but He wouldn’t let it. I feel rejuvenated. I love love, still. Instead of dismissing the church as a whole, I found the perfect match for me. I have conquered some of my fears and I am all in for God’s will.
How did this happen? Well, God is with us at all times. I knew He was there. I’d talk to Him as I drove, as I walked, as I played Candy Crush, as I cried. My heart began to be at ease. He knew how things would go. It was all designed for my purpose…for my good. I laughed often at myself. He gave me signs. He sent people to remind me of who I am and whose I am. It’s unexplainable, but my will slowly began to fade. That’s the impact that 2019 had on me.
This year, 2020, the theme is “The Year of Uncommon Opportunities” and let me tell you something, I. AM. READY.