As I reflect on 2019, I feel a multitude emotions. I know HOW I made it. More importantly, I know WHY I made it. As much as I would love to complain and say how bad this year was, I can’t. Yes, my faith was shaken. However, it was also strengthened. Hate crept in my heart, but it was driven out by an abundance of love that can’t even be explained. I experienced true friendship from a beautiful soul that didn’t really know me and she didn’t expect anything in return. For that, and our new friendship (’cause, sis is stuck with me) I will be forever grateful. I’m usually good at masking my emotions. Yet, my real friends, proved to me that they actually do know me. Despite my countless, “I’m all goods” and “Don’t worry about me’s”, they still invaded my space.
So, on this last day on 2019, I spent the first part of the day with two of my friends writing down our goals for 2020, verbalizing them and planning execution. In 2019, they literally survived with me. I did not go through it alone, they made sure of it. My most vulnerable moments were witnessed by them. When many others discarded and deemed me worthless, they never counted me out.
I had to realize just how unimportant my will is and welcome God’s perfect will wholeheartedly. I knew what I wanted, but God knew what I needed. When I accepted this, I experienced multiple unexpected successes in 2019. In addition, this realization, allowed me to release shame and it completely changed my entire outlook of 2019. What looked unbearable and unrecoverable, was actually for my good.
So, 2019, thank you! You were one filthy animal and you were good to me all at the same time. 2020, let’s see what you have in store. I’m ready for you.