So, I went to church this morning and cried my little heart out. This was during praise and worship. Like, I never cry at church . Heck, I rarely cry period. Last time I cried, I was furious about a rumor people were spreading about me. That’s all water under the bridge, though. At the present, I have a love/hate relationship with church. In fact, I planned on NOT attending church this morning and still ended up there. I love what church represents, however, the people…hmph. So, needless to say, it’s a struggle getting up on Sunday’s and going to church. I found one of the largest (mega) churches near me to attend. I simply don’t want to know anyone there. I definitely don’t want to know the pastor. I don’t want to participate in any church activities. I’ve been attending this church for eight months and am still a visitor. I do tithe, though. I’m not stupid.
Stay on topic! Ok, so yeah, I was a bucket of water today. There is a level of gratefulness that cannot be expressed by words. My soul was/is grateful. I’m not sure if any of you have ever experienced this. I wasn’t crying because I was sad or upset. I’ve had so many questions for God lately. A lot of whys, why mes, where they do that at and even some how could yous all directed at God. It was during praise and worship, that some of my life’s major events started playing in my head. I had two major illnesses over the past 15 years, both are in remission. I have a beautiful 13 year old daughter that is a miracle. I was in a relationship that was based on lies and deceit and God protected me. There is a reason why it all happened to me. Simply because…Why not me?
Last Sunday, the message was about fear blocking your blessings. So, I started blogging and getting over my fear of imperfection. This week, the message was about fighting the right enemy…the real enemy. God answered so many of my questions this week. Both weeks, in a packed auditorium, God spoke directly to me. When you find yourself with “why” questions, change the why to how. How can this “why” help me or someone else. If not you, then who?